tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post3298352031242211607..comments2014-10-17T02:46:58.947-04:00Comments on Foreigner in Buckeye Nation By Liz Rose-Cohen: It doesn't get oldLiz Rose-Cohenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11228495065380122893noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-2836734606480274872012-07-11T13:55:08.515-04:002012-07-11T13:55:08.515-04:00I'm from central Ohio. I've lived North, S...I'm from central Ohio. I've lived North, South, East, West, and Central. Lewis Center, Galloway, Gahanna, Hilliard, and Columbus. I've also lived in Philly and small town West Virginia. I'm a happily married mother of two living the dream {my dream} of staying at home. All of my life, I have found an extreme passion for the rights of all who just happen to have a different lifestyle than I do. I may be living out the 50s family unit that the public views as "normal", but I never understood why my way had to be the right way. I come from a similar family, and my husbands family is similar as well. So why then, have I always felt so passionate about this subject. I have strong Christian beliefs, so deep rooted, that it hurts me, physically hurts me to see other Christians being hurtful to ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING. People who face the same daily challenges that that everyone else faces, being human. Why? I can't answer that. I wish I could but I simply can't. <br />So this brings me to why I felt so compelled to write a response to your story. Because I think you just answered a lifelong question for me. One that I have repeatedly asked myself with no solid answer, besides: "It's the right thing to believe in." {Which isn't a bad answer, but it seems so simple, why is it even a question} Why do I feel so passionate about human rights? I'm not particular to the kind, although Gay and Lesbian rights seem such an easy way to exemplify how wrong it can be. So whether it be gay, lesbian, transsexual, biracial, obese, poor, female, or even white male. I believe in loving humans. Why? Because I'm human, and I was raised in a city that loves me for who I am. My city loves my gay neighbor, and my black neighbor, my Japanese neighbor, my single mother neighbor, my single father neighbor, my neighbor battling weight, and my neighbor struggling with anxiety. My city makes me proud, and I didn't even know it. I can't say that I worked hard for this, it came easy: To have the choice. My city gave that to me. Or, rather, my parents gave that to me, when they moved me from a small {not so racially diverse} town in West Virginia, to Columbus. A simple, loving city, where I had room to grow. <br />So thank you for showing me why I am the way I am. And thank you for putting a good name on a city I love so much. I hope your children find growing up here to be as free of choices as I found it to be. And that one day {when they say "I've GOT to get out of Ohio", {Like everyone does} they quickly remember how important this city is, and how it has shaped them to be the loving people that they already are.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06974235483350674890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-8307988873113085872012-02-09T09:54:56.035-05:002012-02-09T09:54:56.035-05:00Thank you..love hearing about Portland Maine from ...Thank you..love hearing about Portland Maine from your perspective. Please please keep writing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-18955397624118503102011-12-12T09:22:43.326-05:002011-12-12T09:22:43.326-05:00Thanks for writing this beautiful blog that brough...Thanks for writing this beautiful blog that brought tears to my eyes. I wish everyone felt this way. The world would be a much better place with people like you. I was fortunate enough to grow up with parents that taught me that what counts is on the inside of the person, not on the outside. My 23 year old daughter just emailed me a few months ago thanking me for teaching her this. She said she felt extremely frustrated when speaking with other kids in their 20's who were very close minded. I will continue to follow your blog.<br />From SK of Eastern MassachusettsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-87665894601566463902011-09-24T00:45:58.249-04:002011-09-24T00:45:58.249-04:00I can't speak to lesbian parenting or transrac...I can't speak to lesbian parenting or transracial adoptive kids, but I can speak about Columbus, Ohio, and what a great choice you made landing there.<br />I grew up in Columbus, white and Jewish. To one side our neighbors were a white Catholic family with teenage boys who called me Maria because they wouldn't learn to pronounce my name (I was 7, I thought it was funny). On the other side was a black couple who were an engineer and a nurse. The black man who lived behind us was on the city council. When I encountered stereotypes of blacks in my teens and college years, I was flabbergasted. What people spewed out had nothing to do with the upper middle class people I knew. <br />I can't put a value on the neighborhood in which I was raised, where I had friends of every stripe. Absolutely priceless. As a married adult, we sought out a town in NJ which had the same vibe. It wasn't easy, but I love where I live. My children go to Jewish day school, for which I'm grateful, but there is that trade off of not having as colorful a set of friends as I had.<br />Good luck in Columbus. I haven't lived there in 20 years, but I miss it still.Alia Ramerhttp://www.njjewishnews.com/tribenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-35804995521802167192011-09-07T00:21:44.288-04:002011-09-07T00:21:44.288-04:00Your kids sound adorable. You sound like a great p...Your kids sound adorable. You sound like a great parent! Moving for your kids is amazing...I hope I'd be able to do those kinds of things for my children. I'd love to say that we should not consider race, but black children need extra nurturing. I hate using the word minority, but *we* don't see a whole lot of *us* in society and a lot of *us* don't represent all of *us*. The pink shoe post is a perfect lesson...some things we can't get perfectly "right" because there's not always a distinct right or wrong. <br /><br />Be prepared for when someone tells your child that they will be sent back to Africa (happened to me in elementary school) or or that they won't do well in math (happened to me in grad school). I survived these things intact, partly because my parents taught me the following: (1) life is not fair, (2) work hard, (3) get an education, (4) respect for elders is a big deal, and (6) stand up for your beliefs. <br /><br />I'm a black woman, but my life is nothing like what you see on TV. There is no such thing as 'talking black' and 'acting black' but a lot of people try really hard to prove how black they are. As long as your kids don't buy into this nonsense, they'll be fine. The concept of "keeping it real" is meaningless.<br /><br />It will happen, so prepare your kids for people to focus on skin color (light-skinned vs. dark-skinned), hair (good hair or nappy hair), designer clothing, and reading. It sounds crazy, but these are polarizing issues for many black people. Just listen to any urban radio station (or BET). We can love ourselves when we accept our differences. It's a very important thing to teach any black child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-19126464038345005692011-08-29T15:26:38.043-04:002011-08-29T15:26:38.043-04:00We just moved to DC from Tulsa, OK for the same re...We just moved to DC from Tulsa, OK for the same reason. I could have written this (though not as well, I'm sure). Thank you for something that resonated so deeply, esp the part about it being a very hard transition, but worth it.los cazadoreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08047753608490707714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-34014552165505311922011-07-18T16:43:32.855-04:002011-07-18T16:43:32.855-04:00From a black lesbian, hoping to be an adoptive mam...From a black lesbian, hoping to be an adoptive mama one day.... thanks!!! This was amazing. Even though my adoptions probably won't be trans-racial... as a black woman race and parenting are a big deal for me. While it took a lot for me to shake some of the stereotypes of "black people do..." and "black people don't"... created and maintained by other black folks, it still feels mostly easy and comfortable to talk about such things as spending hours at the hair salon, having my ears and neck burned by a hot comb, playing double dutch on the street, having to be home when the street lights come on, and where I was when the OJ verdict was read... regardless of how my beliefs and opinions have shifted about all of these since then... I still share a piece of collective cultural memory, a familiar "knowing" with many black women that many trans-racially adopted kids don't get. From that a strong identity was created, albeit influenced by many other life and cultural experiences it has a strong foundation rooted in my "blackness". Black/African American cultute is, I think, harder to expose kids to then- kids that have a specific country of origin to link back to. Black American culture while surely a real living thing in some regards, is also very ambiguous and amorphous and so rooted in the adaptions required for our ancestors to survive the slave trade, jim crow, and institutionalized racism. It can be a difficult process to uncover the what black culture is or isn't and to differentiate it from "American" or "Western" culture as well.<br /><br />Ok... a tirade... Kudos!!!32FlavoursOfHumanityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10387848267421109662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-8259012001508184182011-06-29T13:02:26.210-04:002011-06-29T13:02:26.210-04:00From one lesbian transracial adoptive parent to an...From one lesbian transracial adoptive parent to another: YOU ARE THE BEST! I have been waiting a long time to read something like this. We are fortunate that we already lived in a diverse city before we adopted our daughter (she's Latina, we are white.) Better yet, we have one of the highest rates of interracial marriage and international adoption in the country. We are blessed to send her to a dual-immersion Spanish public school, where the majority of the students, parents and staff look like her. Where we are in the minority and don't understand the language very well. Where she can look around and see lots of different ways to be a Latina in this culture. I am stunned by the number of adoptive families, however, who don't seem to understand how important this is to our kids and who minimize their need to have a space where they don't stick out as "different" all of the time. You are a refreshing and honest voice - keep writing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-40691018479680951552011-06-29T12:22:17.746-04:002011-06-29T12:22:17.746-04:00Thank you for this post. I needed to read this to...Thank you for this post. I needed to read this today. I think we are in the "we want to do it, but it might never happen" stage of things here. We need to move, we talk about moving, but if we don't become more proactive, it will never happen.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-42682652308351942742011-06-28T12:11:59.348-04:002011-06-28T12:11:59.348-04:00Hey Mama! You started it! There is a great convers...Hey Mama! You started it! There is a great conversation going on my newest post on Race, Ethnicity and Place and Making friends of color as adults- today. New folks are joining in which as you know always feels sooooo good. I also left a link to your blog over at Love Isn't Enough. I'd love to see them link to you. Have you sent them this piece?<br />CAN'T WAIT to see you all, and cry and laugh and squish on each others spawn soon!Mama C/Catherinehttp://mamacandtheboys.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-24705133533370325912011-06-25T19:55:53.776-04:002011-06-25T19:55:53.776-04:00Thanks Kristen. I'm so glad it feels meaningf...Thanks Kristen. I'm so glad it feels meaningful to you. It's a hard subject to talk about with the full fervor of what I fear because we are all caught in this same bind. But ultimately our children are worth braving hard conversations for, right? Good luck to you!Liz Rose-Cohenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11228495065380122893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-15301001266938795582011-06-25T16:49:07.831-04:002011-06-25T16:49:07.831-04:00Wow - this is profoundly impactful to me as we hav...Wow - this is profoundly impactful to me as we have the same thoughts and conversations about whether or not to move. Thanks for sharing your process.Kristen Howertonhttp://www.rageagainsttheminivan.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-22134881543605491842011-06-19T20:38:10.165-04:002011-06-19T20:38:10.165-04:00Thank you for this. I live in New Haven CT. I h...Thank you for this. I live in New Haven CT. I hate New Haven CT. I really, really would rather live someplace more rural, quiet. i want to see the stars at night. But all of those places would make my daughter stand out and me fit in, and for all the reasons you've stated already, that's not fair. So we live in New Haven, where there are 2 white girls and 3 white mommies in her kindergarten class, and that's the way it's supposed to be. Thank you for putting this in words!susanhttp://theskyislaughing.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-66980059329841279382011-06-17T22:18:02.476-04:002011-06-17T22:18:02.476-04:00Mama C sent me here, via Twitter - I can see why! ...Mama C sent me here, via Twitter - I can see why! Good for you for doing what is best for your kids.InventingLizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08882590455596544329noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-35126388276275653572011-06-17T18:07:05.888-04:002011-06-17T18:07:05.888-04:00Liz, you can write us in as emergency contacts any...Liz, you can write us in as emergency contacts anytime.<br /><br />Are you going to the Juneteenth festival in your backyard? Or rather, is there any time this weekend you won't be there?Janet IDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01566959029016227016noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-15867584827292625252011-06-17T13:16:03.296-04:002011-06-17T13:16:03.296-04:00Thanks women. This is hard stuff to talk about be...Thanks women. This is hard stuff to talk about because it can be polarizing in ways I don't intend. AND (because there's only so much room in one post) it leaves out the biggest challenge of all this (for the kids and for us): culture shock. Some things are instantly easier, but we each spend part of every day teetering on a learning edge. Sometimes that means a first grader who comes home from school and can do nothing but cry. Because change is stressful. But I feel pretty sure we're on the right track. Thanks again for your support and for passing this on. And Happy Juneteenth!Liz Rose-Cohenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11228495065380122893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-6115650824606253432011-06-17T10:04:41.996-04:002011-06-17T10:04:41.996-04:00This is beautiful, and you are so so right.This is beautiful, and you are so so right.Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12002802440403969922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-56119759579201653322011-06-17T08:33:57.843-04:002011-06-17T08:33:57.843-04:00Oh Liz. I'm so proud to be your friend. You ar...Oh Liz. I'm so proud to be your friend. You are an inspiration. I'll be spreading your words as wide and far as I can.Susannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13597349215943832704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-48244565210321211892011-06-17T08:17:47.658-04:002011-06-17T08:17:47.658-04:00this essay should be published in one trillion dif...this essay should be published in one trillion different places. you are a fantastic mama and a fascinating thinker and a really really great writer. and also, im about to adopt across races, and this post scares the crap out of me, in all the right ways. <br />good job, mama and new friend.Momasteryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15799945205723278920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-23110113270231050582011-06-17T07:29:51.876-04:002011-06-17T07:29:51.876-04:00My parents were the first to transracially adopt l...My parents were the first to transracially adopt legally in the state of FL. They naively thought that all it takes is love as my mom says. You have discovered it takes so much more. I love VT and will probably retire there but will not subject my kids to being raised in such a white state. I live in Boston. I hate the city, my son hates the city, but I know it is the best place for me to raise a lesbian multi-racial family. It is the best place for my daughter who is dark skinned. Not only do my kids see all types of children, they also see all types of families. My son has six classmates from same sex families. We are legally protected as a couple in MA so therefore our family is. So we compromise and spend our summers in VT. I hope many more people who have transracially adopted read your words. You are right on. Thank you for taking the risk of honesty.Pollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12527820356948361272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-63788081345371436582011-06-17T00:18:18.326-04:002011-06-17T00:18:18.326-04:00I can't figure out how to say what I want to s...I can't figure out how to say what I want to say other than you have a white girl in Oakland who is so shocked and happy and warm-hearted to know another white girl is thinking about race as much and in the same ways as she is. I often have big feelings about trans-racial adoption, as I'm guessing you have had, and it makes me so so so so so so so happy that your kids have parents like you. <br /><br />-JaimeThe Fitch-Jenett Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01189562745394422476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658944413177153426.post-72426628504473452452011-06-16T23:57:12.460-04:002011-06-16T23:57:12.460-04:00What a wonderfully honest story. You moved your fa...What a wonderfully honest story. You moved your family for all the right reasons, to do what you feel is best for your kids and to help them feel like they belong. The feeling of belonging is a feeling of safety, security and contentment. Something we all deserve. =)Ttiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09796194020516101297noreply@blogger.com